Feelings are not for me… Yet.

The deep intense feelings I harbor is something that confuses me. I am the type of person who acts like I don’t give a damn, avoids being too emotionally involved, and etc. I don’t know why I am this way, but something in my mind just tells me “nope that’s cheesy, stop” or “come on, things are getting a little intense… time to step back”. It’s so bizarre and a trait I really do not like about myself, but hey, I am trying.

I’ve been having dreams lately that really drudge up how much I loathe this part of myself. In the dreams, I am the opposite of the above. I follow my passions and show all the love and fucks I give. When I wake up from these dreams, I am totally awe-struck. I just lay in bed and replay the dreams because they make me feel… happy.

I guess what I can do is just work on this defect and let myself be happier, but that is definitely easier said than done. This is one of those situation where you are your worst enemy. I truly hope that by this time next year, I am getting in my own way less.

Can anyone else relate? How do you overcome this?


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